A peek at my 'ideas list': From edible books to novelty architecture

Every one a winner. Kind of.

Sadly no longer with us: The Longaberger Basket headquarters in Newark, Ohio

As Koko famously sings in The Mikado, I’ve got a little list, I’ve got a little list. The only difference is that in my case it’s actually a ludicrously long inventory and doesn’t feature things that won’t be missed, but rather all my ideas for books that remain unwritten. I’ve been keeping it for years and very rarely delete anything as I am eternally optimistic. That said, there are items on it that I don’t think I’ll ever progress further so I’m sharing some of these beauties with you today in case one of you fancies a lend of any of them outright or they simply spark your creative juices to move them in another, more publishable, direction. In no particular order they are:

Slow Train

I love the 1963 Flanders and Swann song Slow Train about all the little (and frankly not so little) stations that were in danger of the chop from Beeching’s axe in the 1960s. It’s a hauntingly nostalgic list that begins:

No more will I go to Blandford Forum and Mortehoe
On the slow train from Midsomer Norton and Mumby Road
No churns, no porter, no cat on a seat
At Chorlton-cum-Hardy or Chester-le-Street
We won't be meeting again
On the Slow Train.

So, my thinking went, how about a book that visits all these stations, looks at their history, and sees what they’re like now? I still think this has legs although once I did some research it appears that there’s a fine online site doing exactly this and a book called On the Slow Train by Michael Williams which, while not exactly replicating the song, does do very much the same thing rather nicely. It’s maybe a project I’ll return to. Maybe. On the plus side, the demand for railway books is always very high. Be my guest if you want to maybe take it on.

I actually cycled to the first station to be mentioned in the song’s spoken introduction, Millers Dale (pictured above), at Easter this year. It’s delightful, now a café in a beautifully quiet spot on the Monsal Trail in Derbyshire near Bakewell.

Viking Britain

That’s all it says. Two words. No explanation and I’ve no memory of writing it down. I’m not especially interested in the subject (though last year I did really enjoy reading River Kings by Cat Jarman). I bet that was a cracking idea, whatever it was, but feel free to give it wings yourself.

Gastrodiplomacy

There’s a small section in my book Menus That Made History about this subject, the idea that a good meal can solve a great problem between quarrelsome nations or individuals. I think there’s much more to be written on this and it would sell well, but I just don’t have the appetite for it any more.

A book you can eat

No working title for this, it’s more of a concept at the moment, and a concept I’ve not fully thought through. I’m not sure the world is ready for edible books, though already out there is 20 Slices by Ben Denzer, 20 plastic-wrapped Kraft singles sandwiched between bright yellow covers.

Novelty architecture

Also known less catchily as ‘mimetic architecture’, these are buildings designed to grab attention because of their resemblance to animals, food, and other objects. Around the world there are buildings which are fully functional but have a huge immediate impact because of their design - cafés that look like hot dogs, houses that look like teapots, company headquarters that closely resemble giant shopping baskets (see top), the Toilet Museum in Korea built in the shape of a toilet, and many, many more. Some are still standing but others have disappeared, such as the Shell’s shell-shaped service stations from the 1930s. I still think this is a great idea but have been unable to convince any publisher over the last decade. Maybe you’ll have more luck.

Today At

An alternative history book – pitched unsuccessfully (as both book and podcast) and now stuck right at the back of my non-existent bottom drawer – which takes each hour of the day and looked at what big things happened at that time. So for example, 10am:

- Second breakfast for Hungarians, ‘tízórai’ (literally. snack at 10)

- When Jeff Bezos starts his first meeting of the day

- Beyoncé’s birth time, 1981

- The moment Queen Victoria gets into her state coach on her Coronation Day, 1838

- Battle of Naseby, English Civil War begins, 1645

- Charles I is instructed by Colonel Francis Hacker to go to Whitehall, ready for his execution, 1649

- The narrator in HG Wells’s The Time Machine sets off on his journey into the future, 1895

- The 15th Hussars take up their positions in Manchester while magistrates assemble at the Star Inn in the leadup to the Peterloo Massacre, 1819

- The Revolutionary Military Committee of the Bolsheviks announce victory, having overthrown the post-Tsar Nicholas II Provisional Government the day before, with a pamphlet called To The Citizens of Russia!, 1917

- The Thrilla in Manila fight between Muhammad Ali and Joe Frazier gets underway, 1975

If you fancy this, I’ve also got 8am up my sleeve which I can let you have at a rock bottom price.

What I read last week: Asterix et le Griffon by Didier Conrad & Jean-Yves Ferri (via Goscinny & Uderzo). I’m more Team Tintin, but enjoyed the early Asterixes and like to keep up. I read this one in French which slowed things down a bit and maybe watered down some of the hilarity of the punning.

What I’m reading this week: Flashman and the Dragon by George MacDonald Fraser. It’s not shaping up to be my favourite in the series.

What I’m planning to read next week: Nothing definitively lined up, though maybe Poet’s Pub by Eric Linklater.